Lately I have been in my head about a lot of things. Things that my heart are overwhelmed with. I have been wanting to get out of my head for while. I was hanging out with my homie Ace. We were sitting in the car talking about life; When my homie asked me if I wanted to come out to an open mic to perform because she was. I showed her a few of the tracks I could perform and she picked her favorite. It was settled, I was going to perform, I said it.
Feeling one way and thinking another, now my heart was saying, "I don't know fam, that's scary" or "what if I shake and people notice?" In my head I am saying, "this is it, this is the opportunity" and "if Ace can do it, I can" I began my routine by getting ready for Thursday's astrology class and rehearse my lyrics before it started. My nerves started getting to me now. I wanted to tell everyone in class about my performance and part of me started feeling like I wasn't going to go. All I could I hear myself say in my head was, "you've got this" and "it's okay to use this energy"
I wanted to make everyone proud by not beating myself up and doing something I have done before, with different energy. Applying what I know now about myself being a writer, being a motivational speaker and using my words to help build a connection with people. Being in class and getting ready for the open mic, it was clear what my purpose was.
Pulling up, I can feel my nerves but I'm still moving. When I reach the front, they told me the list was fill for open. It was almost like a sense of relief until my homie suggested I take her place instead. Of course I said yes. I'm still going on the energy of putting my ideas into action. So I mingled with crowd and said my hellos while waiting to be called. As time grew closer, I take my headphones to go over the track I am going to perform. I wrote the second verse two different ways and finally picked one that matched the energy.
"Truist to the stage" I take out my headphones as I hear my name being called and asked Ace to come with me. We are walking and my legs began to shake, like they always do when I am nervous. My mouth became dry from smoking so I went to get a drink of water and watched the performance of the other artist before me. After being present in the others performances I began to calm down.
I'm on stage now! I remember being here before and I am being introduced by one of the coolest host and dope lyricist, Bargod. As I am performing, I am feeling confident. I knew the second verse was coming and I thought I had my second wind. I nod my head but the words didn't come out as I am rapping the second verse. This was the part of the song I changed but I had rehearsed over and over. I keep nodding until I find the pocket to come back in. Success! I finished my performance and felt good about it even though I "messed up" A few people came up to me afterwards and congratulated me and expressed how they liked my sound.
On my way home I am replaying what I just did in my head and I smile. "I did it"
I called my fiancé and told her about it and how I wanted to come out again.
When I wrote the song, it was freestyle I was rapping in my car in front of LA recording school. I was kicking my feet up and smoking. I always payed attention to nature and wanted to remind self and anyone who would listen, that this was us. It was fitting that my homie asked me to perform "Kickin'Shit" because in that song my chorus was about smoking. Fast forward to the open mic being at Smokenwords
It was a great experience overall. Always stay prepared in anything you are doing. There is nothing lame about practicing and making sure you deliver your energy the right way and with the right intentions.